Back to Ogden Nash! Not really!

Ok! I have a confession to make. I was introduced to Ogden Nash's poems by my friend VJ, fondly called so by me. Incidentally, VJ happens to be a good poet too. Whats more! He can be at his best when it comes to sarcasm, Biting sarcasm.

Here is a recent mail that I got from VJ, in which he refers to my liking for Ogden Nash(or so i think!).

I hope you all enjoy reading the poem too!

Now the mail!

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"Okay, so I promised P that I'd write out Ogden Nash poems for her: she'd liked that other one so much.

And I figured all of you are likely to enjoy it, so you're all in the 'To' list.

A Mars bar apiece per meter of poetry would be considered adequate recompense. :P

Oh well, if wishes were wings, fish would ride bicycles....or something like that, right? Sighhhhhhh......... Anyway, here goes. Hope you enjoy it!"--- (This is VJ' part)


VERY LIKE A WHALE - Ogden Nash

One thing that literature would be greatly the better for
Would be a more restricted employment by authors of simile and metaphor.
Authors of all races, be they Greeks, Romans, Teutons or Celts,
Can't seem just to say that anything is the thing it is but have to go out of their way to say that it is like something else.
What does it mean when we are told
That the Asssyrian came down like a wolf on the fold?
In the first place, George Gordon Byron had had enough experience
To know that it probably wasn't just one Assyrian, it was a lot of Assyrians.
However, as too many arguments are apt to induce apoplexy and thus hinder longevity,
We'll let it pass as sone Assyrian for the sake of brevity.
Now then, this particular Assyrian, the one whose cohorts were gleaming in purple and gold,
Just what does the poet mean when he says he came down like a wolf on the fold?
In heaven and earth more than is dreamed of in our philosophy there are a great many things,
But I don't imagine that among them there is a wolf with purple and gold cohorts or purple and gold anythings.
No, no, Lord Byron, before I'll believe that this Assyrian was actually like a wolf I must have some kind of proof;
Did he run on all fours and did he have a hairy tail and a big red mouth and big white teeth and did he say Woof woof?
Frankly I think it very unlikely, and all you were entitled to say, at the very most,
Was that the Assyrian cohorts came down like a lot of Assyrian cohorts about to destroy the Hebrew host.
But that wasn't fancy enough for Lord Byron, oh dear me no, he had to invent a lot of figures of speech and then interpolate them,
With the result that whenever you mention the Old Testament soldiers to people they say Oh yes, they're the ones that a lot of wolves dressed up in gold and purple ate them.
That's the kind of thing that's being done all the time by poets, from Homer to Tennyson;
They're always comparing ladies to lilies and veal to venison,
And they always say things like that the snow is a whilte blanket after a winter storm.
Oh it is, is it, all right then, you sleep under a six-inch blanket of snow and I'll sleep under a half-inch blanket of unpoetical blanket of material and we'll see which one keeps warm.
And after that maybe you'll begin to comprehend dimly
What I mean by too much metaphor and simile.

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That ends Vj's mail.

What i loved about this poem, are the last two lines. It contracts the entire poem and the sarcasm is poignant!

I replied to VJ- "Way to go Charlie"